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OLD.BZ

Joke of the Day

My brother Marty from PA sent, Some great golf quotes!

Some real truths here!!

1. These greens are so fast I have to hold my putter over the ball and hit it with the shadow. 
~ PGA Hall of Famer Sam Snead
2. I was three over today: One over a house, one over a patio, and one over a swimming pool. 
~ Baseball Hall of Famer George Brett 
3. Actually, the only time I ever took out a one-iron was to kill a tarantula.  And I took a 7 to do that.
~ Sportswriter Jim Murray
4. The only sure rule in golf is - he who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie.
~ Baseball Hall of Famer Mickey Mantle
5. Sex and golf are the two things you can enjoy even if you're not good at them.
~  Actor Kevin Costner
6. I don't fear death, but I sure don't like those three-footers for par.
~  PGA Golfer Chi Chi Rodriguez
7. After all these years, it's still embarrassing for me to play on the American golf tour.  Like the time I asked my caddie for a sand wedge and he came back ten minutes later with a ham on rye.
~ PGA Golfer Chi Chi Rodriguez
8. The ball retriever is not long enough to get my putter out of the tree.
~ Tom Weiskopf
9. Swing hard in case you hit it.
~ Football QB Dan Marino
10. My favorite shots are the practice swing and the conceded putt.  The rest can never be mastered.
~ Lord Robertson
11. Give me golf clubs, fresh air, and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.
~ Jack Benny
12. There is no similarity between golf and putting; they are two different games, one played in the air, and the other on the ground.
~ Ben Hogan
13. Professional golf is the only sport where, if you win 20% of the time, you're the best.
~ Jack Nicklaus
14. The uglier a man's legs are, the better he plays golf.  It's almost a law.
~ H. G. Wells
15. I never pray on a golf course.  Actually, the Lord answers my prayers everywhere except on the course.
~ Billy Graham
16. If you watch a game, it's fun.  If you play at it, it's recreation.  If you work at it, it's golf.
~ Bob Hope 
17. While playing golf today, I hit two good balls.  I stepped on a rake in a sand trap.
~ Henny Youngman
18. If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.
~ Jack Lemmon
19. You can make a lot of money in this game.  Just ask my ex-wives.  Both of them are so rich that neither of their husbands work.
~ Lee Trevino
20. I'm not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they'd come up sliced.
~ Lee Trevino

Thought of the Day


Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?  
- Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)